I was wondering today why baby food companies insist that there be no substantive difference in the appearance of their product when it is being eaten and when it is being shat out? Seeing the things that the baby eats splashed all around the kitchen really disturbs my own foodmaking processes; the main reason being that all of the little jars of diarrhoea coloured mush keep reminding of the couple of unpleasant times in my life I had food poisoning. It was at these times I became a one man baby food plant, and every tiny recepticle of shit resembling foulness brings back a hundred memories of smell, sound, sight and touch. I temporarily develop synesthesia, and for one moment in time when my eyes meet the globules of, for all intents and purposes, faecal matter on the walls I become the most reluctant savant on the face of the earth.
On the level of national sentiments (and don't get me wrong I am no nationalist) I recall the H-Block of the Maze Prison. Casting my mind back to the footage of dirty protests and starving men dying for their politics, I realise that there is no way in hell I can now enjoy my cheese sandwich and bowl of soup.
So I implore the producers of baby food to please do something to rectify this unfortunate situation. Add some colour; make it, as far as foodstuffs are concerned, totally esoteric. Make it blue, purple, pink, anything other than that horiffic yellowy brown, which when smeared all along a work surface makes me think that my dog has fallen ill again and somehow found his way on to the worktops.
Sincerely,
Consumer #619362728F
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